Dragon Ball
by Ganon
Summary: A story of Akira Toriyama's manga, Dragon Ball! The full story! Read and review. It's...good. Just read.
1. Prologue

Dragon Ball  
Part 1: The Monkey's Tale  
Prologue: Bulma and Son Goku  
  
Author's Note: This goes for every single chapter: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, or Dragon Ball GT. I do not own Viz Communications which translated the manga I am using for this fan fiction.  
  
This begins a story of friendships, struggles, power, and Dragon Balls.   
This is the great tale of Akira Toriyama, a master of the manga genre. This story retells Akira Toriyama's Dragon Ball, a series based on a manga, Journey to the West, involving "The Monkey King" Son Wukong, with his magic staff Nyoi-bo and his magic cloud Kinto'un. Dragon Ball is only slightly based on it, and not limited to it.  
For those who have only seen the FUNimation dub of Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z on television, I strongly advise you to read this, as it tells the real story of a great manga and anime.   
This story (the one I am writing), tells the real story of Dragon Ball, from Mr. Toriyama's original plans. It only tells the story of the manga, and though the anime has everything that the manga has, the manga doesn't have everything the anime has, and this is even more true with Dragon Ball Z. From the Saiyan Saga alone there are so many elements missing in the manga (the manga came first, mind you: The anime added the extra parts), such as the Nappa and Vegeta's landing on Arlia, Tenshinhan, Chaozu, Yamcha, and Kuririn training in the "Pendulum Room", Son Goku actually having gone into the Room of Spirit and Time during Dragon Ball, Son Goku hitting Gregory on the head with a hammer, Son Goku falling off of the Serpent Road into Hell, Son Goku meeting Princess Snake, most of the Kami-sama training in early DBZ, Son Gohan's second oozaru transformation, and much of Son Goku's and Son Gohan's adventure in training for the Saiyans (all of the filler stuff). Though I am not sure about the later Tankoban of Dragon Ball Z about the Anoyoichi Budokai (Heaven Tournament) and the Great Saiyaman Saga. It would be appreciated if you could contact me at Supersmash20@aol.com if you know the answer to this.  
From Son Goku fighting the Big Fish to Son Goku Jr. fighting Vegeta Jr., from the Searching for the Dragon Balls Saga to the Evil Shenlong Saga, from Son Goku's first Jan-Ken Rock, to Son Goku's last Chou Genki Dama, from Dragon Ball Vol. 1 to Dragon Ball Z Vol. 42, to Dragon Ball GT Episode Sixty-Four, sit back, relax, and enjoy, the wonderful tale...of Dragon Ball. 


	2. Tale One: Bloomers and the Monkey King

Dragon Ball  
Part 1: The Monkey's Tale  
Chapter 1: Bloomers and the Monkey King  
  
Main Character of this Part (Part One): No one!  
  
Note: Many sound effects are used.  
  
Long, long ago, in a deep, dark forest far from civilization, beyond a towering range of...well, you get the idea. It's the kind of place a story like this has to begin...  
  
A young boy is standing on a thick log, rolling it and carrying a huge jagged blade. He has wild, untamed black hair sticking out in various directions in thick clumps, with a few single strands protruding. He wears a gi with a white belt and blue wrist guards. He also, strangely enough, has a tail like a monkey's!  
"Hey bro! Wuzzup?!" says the strange boy, speaking to a couple of monkeys hanging from a branch.  
"Chee Chee!" exclaims a small one hanging from another one's hand merrily. The long rolls on...  
  
______Tale 1 __  
Bloomers and the  
Monkey King  
  
The boy stands in front of a small building with a curved roof. The boy takes a fighting stance, hands clawed. "Hnnn-nnnn..."he says. Suddenly, he tenses up his muscles. "Nyah!!!" His arms shoot upwards as he yells at the lying-down log. "Prepare to die!!!" He grabs the log, twice his sides-upwards, with a soft GLOMP, and tosses it into the air with an uncanny show of ability and strength. "Hi-yaa!!!" he shouts as he leaps off the ground. "No escape!!!" he yells confidently.  
With a small BAKOKOKOKO..!! the boy kicks the log in to several smaller pieces!  
He lands with a THOP, and the logs fall with loud GONG, one by one. "That takes care o' the wood-choppin!" says the boy, satisfied. "Only now I'm hungry..." He carries a log as his stomach growls uproariously.   
He opens the door to the building, apparently his house. He holds his protesting stomach. "Hey grampa..." says the boy, to a glass orange ball with four minute stars. He evidently believes the ball holds his grandfather in some way. "I'm gonna get me some grub." The boy leaves his house and begins walking down a path. "What'd be good today..." he says. Elsewhere, birds tweet softly in trees. A tall girl with a ponytail, red bow, and bluish-green hair, hums quietly to herself, hand open over her face, searching for something. She is standing by a car.  
"Got to be right...around...here..." she says to herself. She is inspecting a strange gadget of her invention. The machine beeps, and has tiny flashing dots and grids on its screen. "Or maybe just a little more to the west...?" She opens the door, climbing back into her car, which has TURBO inscribed on its back. "Anyway, I'm close... I'm close!" She drives away with a loud BWOOM. The boy is still looking for food.   
"Just had bear the other day..." he says. "Wish I'd bump into a tiger..." He walks over to a very high cliff. A deafening ROOOAR.. comes from something over the side.  
It is a great waterfall, and its echoing ROOOARRR... is also heard by the boy. "Oh,yeah! Fish! I forgot about fish!" The boy corageously jumps from the top of the cliff. "Whee!" he shouts. A soft HWOOSH and he is on his way. He fearlessly grabs a branch protruding from the cliffside with a quiet SHAK. Then, he skillfuly launches himself from the limb with a BOING.  
The boy lands, unharmed, on a rock in a lake at the bottom of the cliff with a loud THOP. He begins takes off his shirt and begins to untie his belt. Soon he is completely naked. He plunges his tail into the water with a small PLISH. He swirls his tail around in the water. Down, in the water, a big fish catches a glimpse of a brown monkey's tail. "Huh?!" it says, surprised. He now realizes he has an easy meal. "Wa ha ha!! Got ya, ya dumb-butt little monkey!!"  
The boy flips his tail up, throwing the fish into the air with a loud BLASH. The boy leaps into the air with a kick. "Hey-yaa!!!" he shouts. His foot connects with the fish, plunging it back into the water from whence it came, either dead or unconscious "Heh heh!" chuckles the monkey-boy. The boy picks up the fish from the water and begins a trip home. "Wotta catch!! Wotta catch!!" shouts the boy merrily.  
The boy continues to drag the fish home, when he hears something in the distance. VRRROOOM... "Huh? Whazzat...?" he questions. Soon, the car with the girl inside appears, engine gunning loudly. "Waa!!!" shouts the boy. "Waa!!!" shouts the girl in return, catching sight of the boy, straight in her line of sight. The tires skid and screech very loudly as the girl swerves to avoid the boy, narrowly missing him and his catch.  
"Ohhh...oh...whoa..." says the boy, confused and in shock.   
"Watch where you're going, you road-block!!" the girl shouts.  
"So...a monster, eh?!!" begins the boy. "Tryin' to snatch my prey from me, eh?!!" The boy has obviously never seen a car before. Then, the boy amazingly hunches underneath the large "monster" and begins to lift, and succeeding. "Well you're not gettin' away...with my fish...!!" says the boy untrustingly. The car groans in protest.  
"What--?!" says the girl, confused why or how her car is being lifted by this small boy. "What--?!"  
"Hyoh!!!!" shouts the boy as he chucks the car about five feet away. A loud D-GONG sounds and and the car is smashed. The boy grabs a staff suddenly from a sheath strapped onto his back. "Now, c'mon and FIGHT!!!" he shouts. "C'MON!! FIGHT!! C'MON!!!"  
The girl begins to emerge from the window of the wrecked vehicle, coughing and sputtering, and holding a gun. "Ngh...huf...uhh...oof..."  
"Yeesh...now a hideous demon emerges from the monster," says the boy. The girl squeezes off two shots. PAM PAM.  
"Squelch it pee-wee!!" shouts the girl. The boy is hit.  
"OWW-EEE!! OW!! OW!!" screams the boy, in pain. "Whuh was that?!! What're you, a WITCH?!"  
"Yee...gods!!" says the girl, apparently surprised. "Wh-what are you...?! Why aren't you dead?!"  
"Hah! Dummy! Stupid! Y'think YOU can hurt me?!With little ouchies like that!? Hah!" says the boy, confidence regqined. He now raises the staff. "Now, demon...prepare to die!!!"  
"Wait! Woah! Time out!!" the girl shouts, throwing up her arms in defense. "I'm not a demon!! I'm a human!!!"  
"Huh?! A human?!" the boy asks, stopping dead in his tracks. "Really?!"  
"Yes, silly!! I'm just like you!!" announces the girl, somewhat relieved, even smiling. "Take a gander!"  
"..." says the boy, pausing to look and think it through. (The girl is now out of the car). "Don't make a move!"  
"Not very trusting are you," says the girl. VIP VIP VIP, the boy zips around the girl, looking at her from each angle.   
"You're KINDA like me...but there's something DIFFERENT..." says the boy, puzzled. "You seem kinda...SOFTER...and BUMPIER!"  
"Well duh, brainiac," says the girl. "You're a big he-man an' I'm a cute li'l girl!"  
"G-girl?!" says the boy, surprised. "You mean...female?!"  
"Heh-loh!!" says the girl, exasperated. "Surely you've seen a GIRL before!"  
"I never saw another HUMAN before!" says the boy, who apparently hasn't. "My dead grampa always told me..." he begins. "'If you ever meet a girl, treat her nice.'"  
The girl winks at the boy. "Well, then...don't you think you should get started?" asks the girl. The boy peers behind the girl, ignoring the question.   
"So females don't have tails, eh...?" asks the boy.  
"Huh?" asks the girl, confused. The tail twitches with a quiet pwik pwik as the girl notices the tail for the first time. "Man...that is WIERD..." she comments. *Snort* What a goon! she thinks to herself. Prob'ly thinks wearing that phony tail makes him look like one happenin' dude!  
"So what is the monster anyway? How'd you catch it?" asks the boy, referring to the car.  
"That 'monster' happens to be my car. People make them," says the girl matter-of-factly.  
"So this is a car! I've heard of 'em in stories..." says the boy, awestruck. "Huh. It looks tough...but it ain't much!" says the boy. "Woah, woah, wait...are you from 'civilization'?!"  
"Well...let's just say I'm from way far west," replies the girl.  
"Come over to my place! You're a girl, so I'll feed you!" says the boy, picking up the Big Fish.  
"As long as that's all you do..." says the girl in reply. She begins walking behind the boy. "You're pretty strong for a runt."  
"Haw haw!" the boy laughs. "Grampa trained me good!"  
He may be a freak... thinks the girl. ...But I can use that strength of his!  
"Wait here a sec..." says the boy, opening the door with a soft KREE...  
"Not much for home repair, are you?" asks the girl. They boy walks over to his "Grampa" and folds puts his hands together, straight up, as if praying.   
"Grampa, look! It's a female! A human female in our house!" says the boy to the ball. The girl notices this.  
"Huh?" she says.  
She catches sight of the glass ball, and points at it excitedly. "THAT'S IT!!!!" she yells. "THE DRAGON BALL!!!!" she puts her hands above it. "Wa HOOOO!!!" she knocks the boy off balance with a quiet BOMP. "I knew it!! My dectector was right on!!" The boy motions to grab the girl, he is annoyed.  
"Hey!! Leggo o' my grampa!!!" he says. "That was his last possession!! Even GIRLS aren't allowed to touch!!" The girl stand straight up, and begins sifting through her pack for something.   
"Well...I guess I hafta let you in on my li'l secret..." she says.  
"?" asks the boy. The girl pulls two orange glass balls similar to the boy's "grampa".  
"VOILA'!!" she says. The boy notices the two balls, and is puzzled.  
"AAA!!!" he shouts. "More grampa!! Two more grampas!!"  
"No, no...tee hee.." the girl says, setting the balls down on a nearby table. "They're called 'Dragon Balls.'"  
"Y'mean...some poor dragon...?" asks the boy privately.  
"I found one in my cellar. I had no idea what it was..." she says, holding up the ball with two stars in it. "...And neither did anyone else I asked." The balls begin to glow in reaction to one another, and far away, the other balls glow too, but not as brightly. (Note, now the girl will speak from a narrative point of view, a voice-over, without quotations).  
  
So I did some reasearch...and I found this old, old story that described them.  
  
There were originally seven Dragon Balls, and each of them glows with the light of the tiny stars inside...from one star to seven... (End Narrative)  
  
"Grampa has FOUR stars in 'im!" comments the boy brightly.  
"Then that's 'Sushinchu'...the first one I found was 'Arushinchu'...'Two-star ball'..." she says. "And after WEEKS searching the North Valley..." she begins. "I finally found 'Oshinchu'...'Five-star ball'!"  
"You're collectin' them?" asks the boy.  
"Almost half way there! But it won't be no cake walk from here on..." comments the girl.  
"Why do you want 'em? Gonna make one've them bead neclaces or somethin'?" asks the boy, getting a strange mental picture.   
"Oh, but of COURSE!" says the girl, smiling and resting her head on her hand. "Listen goof...an amazing thing happens when you get all seven..."   
(Begin Narrative by the girl)  
...And you chant just the right chant...to summon...  
  
...Shenlong...the dragon god!! He'll grant you any wish! But only one!! (End Narrative)  
  
"WOW!! That's awesome!!" comments the boy.   
"The last person who collected the Dragon Balls became a king!" adds the girl excitedly. "But SOMEHOW, in the centuries since, the Balls got scattered again!"she says. "Leaving it to li'l ME to bring 'em back together!  
"Tee hee hee...and I've already settled on a wish!" she continues. "At first I wanted a lifetime supply of strawberries...But now I think I'm gonna go for a super-cute boyfriend!!"  
"..." says the boy.  
"So that's the deal!" she says, arms outstreched. "Now gimme the Sushinchu, please!!"  
"No!! No way!!" says the boy, defending his Dragon Ball. "This is th' only grampa I got left!!"  
"Come on, you cheapskate!!" shouts the girl, exasperated. "What are YOU gonna do with it, huh?!!"  
"Nyaah!!" the boy remains.  
"Oh, I get it!! You naughty boy!" says the girl, grinning. "You want something in exchange!"  
"?" asks the boy, confuzzled (a new word).  
"Pkay!" says she, lifting up her skirt to reveal her covered...rear..."But just one quick li'l feel *Heart*"  
"Why would I wanna feel your dirty butt?!" asks the boy, slightly disgusted.  
"My butt is NOT dirty!!!" she yells. Then she calms down, bending down to the boy. "Okay, okay!! You can HELP me with my quest!!" she continues. "Grampa told you to be nice to girls, right?!"  
"Your...quest...?" asks the boy.   
"You don't have anything better to do, do ya?!" shouts the girl. "You're a he-man! You're supposed to love quests!"  
"O-kaaay...But I'm not givin' you grampa!" agrees the boy.   
"Fine! Fine! I'l just borry it at the very end, 'kay?" says the girl, smiling broadly. Hee hee heeee...perfect! Idiot-lad'll be the ideal bodyguard...and he doesn't need to know that once the wish is granted, she thinks to herself. ...The Dragon Balls fly off to the ends of the Earth!! She starts to walk outside the house. "All-righ-tee!!" she says excitedly. "Let the adventure begin!! YIPEE!!"  
"But how're we gonna find the other Balls if you don't know where they are?" questions the boy.   
"HO HO HO!" the girl laughs proudly, smiling. "I'm not just a pretty face, y'know!  
"Although I certainly am that!" she adds, taking out the device she was using earlier, which goes PEEP PEEP. "Feast your peepers on this!"   
"?" asks the boy.  
"It's my Ball Detector!!" says the girl, pointing to it. It has a grid with several glowing dots. It goes peep peep again. "I noticed that the Balls give off a faint electromagnetic pulse, so I constructed it! See, these three in the middle are the ones we have right now, and..." she begins. "The next closest is..." she says, studying the Detector. "...To the West! About 1,200 kilometers!!"  
"?" asks the boy. "?" again. "I don't get it."  
"You wrecked my car, so I'll just have to take out a new one," the girl says. "By the way, what's your name?"   
"Me?" asks the boy, pointing at himself. "I'm Goku," he continues. "Son Goku!"   
"How 'bout you?" asks the boy.   
"I'm...Bulma..." she says.   
"Doesn't that mean "Bloomers"?! Haw!!" laughs Son Goku.  
"Shut up!! I didn't pick it!!!" yells the girl angrily.  
"HA HA HA! "Bloomers"!!" says the Son Goku.   
Little twerp...! thinks Bulma. I HATE LITTLE TWERPS! She then opened a case, filled with tiny capsules. "He made me forget which..." said Bulma, looking for something. "Oh yeah...Number 9!!"   
She then took the capsule out with a PLIK. "Punch," protested the capsule as a button at the top of it to depress.   
"Stand BACK!! Thar she blows!!" Bulma yelled, tossing the capsule and pushing Son Goku away. The capsule exploded in a puff of smoke, sending Son Goku into a state of shock. Soon, the smoke cleared and a motorcycle with the words "Capsule 9" printed on the side. The number on the windowshield read AF4029. "Aw right!!" Bulma said, striding towards the motorcyle. "Let's ride!!"   
"Eeee-yagga!!! I KNEW it!!! You ARE a witch!!!" yelled Son Goku, amazed.  
"Get OVER it, ape-boy!" instructed Bulma, climbing onto the motorcycle. "EVERYBODY in the city's got Hoi-Poi Capsules!  
"Now swing your tail up here!" she commanded.   
"...??" questioned Son Goku, still not completely sure, twitching with a tng tng. The motorcycle sped along, distracting a monkey from eating an apple. "Eee-yow-wow!!!" yelled Son Goku alarmingly. Bulma is quite calm. The same monkey's eyes are bugging out. "This thing goes even faster than I can run!! I didn't think that was possible!!!"   
"Hey!! Watch what you're grabbin' onto!!" yelled Bulma.  
"..."says the monkey, still not sure of what he saw.   
  
20 minutes later...  
ZWEEEEEEE...sounded the motorcycle quietly as it sped along. The motorcycle was about to go very fast off a steep hill. "GYAAHH!!!!" yelled Bulma as the motorcycle lifted off. "YAAARRGH!!!!!" Bulma continued as the bike continued its ascent. The bike fell with a great crash, landing firmly on the ground, straight up.  
The wheels shouted SKREEEE... as they screeched to an abrupt stop. "Phew!" said Bulma.  
"Man, that was incredible!! You actually made ufs FLY!!" exclaimed Son Goku.  
"Y-yeah...pr-pretty good, huh...?" said Bulma shakily. I didn't think the hill'd be THAT steep...!! though Bulma. Bulma then got a strange, yet very recognizable, feeling. "'Scuse me for a sec!" she said, getting off the bike and walking away. "Be right back!"  
"Huh?! Why?! Where you goin'?!" asked Son Goku.  
"Dont you have any idea what a lady means when she says ''Scuse me,' you oaf?!" yelled Bulma.  
"You mean you gotta pee?" asked Son Goku. Bulma runs away into the nearby woods. "Well?!" asks the boy. "Why's she gotta pee way over there? Why can't she do it right here, like a normal person?"  
"AAIIEEEE," came a shout.  
"Wha--?!" exclaimed Son Goku. "Now what's wrong?" asked Son Goku. "I hope her weenie didn't get bit by a snake!" he exclaimed. "HOO!!" exclaimed Son Goku.  
"UH...UH...UH!!" whimpered Bulma, with good reason. She was being held by a huge pteranodon.   
"Who are YOU?! Part of her PACK?!!" thundered the dinosaur.   
"Nah, I just met her. You a friend o' hers?" asked Son Goku, not intimidated in the least, or else he was just ignorant of the danger.  
"Waaa...eeeek!!" said Bulma.  
"Yeah...friend...that's it! Bwa-ha-ha! Look, there's something I need to discuss with her in private, okay? You just wait right here!" exclaimed the dinosaur, mysteriously producing a rope, transferring Bulma to his tail, and tying Son Goku to a tree.  
"Funny..." Son Goku began, a sudden wave of realization coming over him. "Why would he tie me up?" FLAP FLAP went the wings of the bird-like dinosaur loudly as he carried Bulma away. "Don't take too long, okay?"  
"Wha...wha..." said Bulma.   
"It's been far too long since I've tasted female human flesh! Bwa-ha-ha!!" exclaimed the dinosaur.  
"What are you waiting for?!!" yelled Bulma from up high in the claws of the beast. "RESCUE ME, IDIOT!!!!"  
Shouts of "BWA-HA-HA--" and "Imbecile" and "Dolt" came from up in the sky.   
"Oh, so now she wants me to RESCUE her!" exclaimed Son Goku.   
"I wish she'd make up her mind!" he continued.   
"TUG TUG" sounded Son Goku's tail quietly as it wrapped around the ropes and pulled them free.   
"Some friend HE is!" exclaimed Son Goku. "How'm I gonna do this...? I can't fl...  
"Hey!!" Son Goku exclaimed, forming a plan. "That's it!!!" he shouted gleefully. His feet made a VSSSH sound as he scurried away. He jumped on the motorcycle. "If I can just remember..." he inwardly shouted at himself. "Lessee...I think she twisted this..." The bike began to move as he twisted the handle. "Yow-wah!!" Son Goku exclaimed. "Hot dog!! It's movin'!!!" he yelled over the roar of the engine. "All right!! All right!!"   
Suddenly, the bike took off at a great speed. "All---" shouted he, only to find it was moving too fast. The engine sped off with an enourmous VOOM! "----RAAAAA!!!!" he yelled, about to go over the hill. "FLY, MONSTER!!!!!" he yelled as the motorcycle left the ground. But soon, it began to fall. "NO!! Don't fall NOW!!" he yelled. "Guess I gotta do it myself!!" said the boy, leaping off the bike with a quiet HWAA. He unsheathed the red staff on his back. The dinosaur's eyes bugged out as he noticed Son Goku.  
"Huh?!" the dinosaur exclaimed, unsure of his own eyes.  
"Okay, staff-- do your stuff!" yelled Son Goku. The staff began to extend magically. Son Goku swung it behind his back. "Have a little Nyoibo..." he yelled. "HYAH--!!!!" Son Goku yelled as he swung the staff. It went crashing down on the reptile's head, completely separating the fin on the top of its head. It let go of Bulma.  
It plummetted with a loud HYUUUUNNNN, dead. "Ai-yaaaaa!!" shouted Bulma, falling.   
"Relax!" reassured Son Goku. He threw the staff and landing.   
"Thop" sounded his foot as he landed on tiptoes. He shielded his eyes with his open right hand, searching for Bulma. He soon saw her, the staff going through one of her sleeves and out the other, stuck in a cliffside, with Bulma hanging from the staff. The staff didn't injure her at all.   
"See? All's swell that ends swell!" said Son Goku happily.   
"What's so swell about peeing my pants??!!" yelled Bulma, "liquid" dripping down.   
  
Remember your Chinese fairy tales? You don't? Not even the impish MONKEY KING and his magic staff, the NYOIBO? Oh, well...Drop in next time and you'll learn.  
  
Next: My Balls are Missing! 


	3. Tale Two: No Balls!

Dragon Ball  
Part One: The Monkey's Tale  
Chapter Two: No Balls!  
  
In her quest for the seven Dragon Balls that will grant her fondest wish, Bulma has enlisted the help of the strange creature named Son Goku...  
  
Son Goku and Bulma are riding on a motorcycle over a bridge. "Hey, we only need four more Balls, right?! That's gonna be a snap!" said Son Goku optomistically, barely heard by Bulma over the VRRREEEN of the engine.  
"A 'snap' he says! I guess you wouldn't know it, living your whole life in the armpit of the world...but there's a lot of ground to cover out there!" exclaimed Bulma.  
"I'm starvin,'" complained Son Goku.  
"It's getting dark, too. Let's call it a night," suggested Bulma.  
"I get the soft leaves for my bed!" claimed Son Goku.   
"Bmp," sounded Son Goku's feet as he hopped off of the motorcycle.   
"...As if," said Bulma, exasperated. "Do you really think I am going to sleep OUTSIDE?!"  
"What else? I don't see no houses around here..." commented Son Goku. That's when Bulma took out her handy box of Hoi-Poi Capsules.  
"Capsule time!" she exclaimed.  
"No way! You're not gonna pop a HOUSE outta those whatchamacallits!" said Son Goku.  
"Please...they're 'Hoipoi Capsules,'" she corrected. "That looks like a nice, level spot...  
"Better clear out, monkey-boy!" she ordered. Son Goku ran away with a SSHOOOM. "Hoi!" she yelled as she threw the Hoi-poi Capsule. It exploded in an enourmous cloud of smoke.  
Ta-DAAAAA. A large house with a number one and "HOIPOI CAPSULE" printed on it appeared. "Ah! How lovely!" commented Bulma. "Well? Still lusting after those LEAVES?" asked Bulma.   
"....." commented Son Goku. "A-are you S-S-SURE you're not a witch?" he pulled out his Nyoi-bo.  
"Cold enough to come in yet!?" asked Bulma. She walked in, Son Goku, opening the door. "Clap oni!" Lights popped on inside the house.  
"Wak!! You are a witch! You turned night into day!" said Son Goku.  
"You don't even know about LIGHTS? You have a long way to go, tarzan..." claimed Bulma. "Watch THIS!" she instructed as she flicked on the television set ("Flik"). TWONGA TWONGA went the guitar of a man on television.   
"!?" commented Son Goku, awestruck. "!?" he continued. "!?"  
"Heh heh heh heh heh heh..." chuckled Bulma, a wide grin on her face.  
"Hey, get outta that box, you midget!" said Son Goku. The Nyoi-bo and his body shook like a leaf.  
"TOK TOK," sounded the staff as it prodded the television set.  
"Yurrgh...you're stinking up the joint..." said Bulma, holding her nose and noticing Son Goku's odor. "You're taking a BATH before we eat!"  
"'Bath'? What's a 'bath'?" asked Son Goku.  
"EEEW, you're KIDDING!!!" yelled Bulma.  
Son Goku took his clothes off. "Guess I gotta help you. C'mere!!" commanded Bulma.  
"?" said Son Goku, stepping into the bathroom.  
"Will you at least cover UP?!!" yelled Bulma, seeing Son Goku's...exposed...body. Son Goku then hopped in the tub. Bulma started scrubbing his head furiously with shampoo.   
"Wh-what's that? It feels weird!" complained Son Goku.   
"Oh, shut up!! Do you know how many guys dream of me giving them a bath?!" asked Bulma. "What a waste of my babe-itude...  
"...Okay, other side," said Bulma, turning Son Goku around. She then noticed the tail. "Huh?"What an idiot! You actually attached this stupid, phony tail to your butt?!" asked Bulma. "What phony tail?" asked Son Goku.  
"Take it off! It's in the way!"  
"Oww! Don't pull!" Son Goku then grabbed the scrubber out of Bulma's hands with his tail with a FWIP.   
"....." said Bulma.  
"I can wash my own butt!" he claimed. With a SHKKA SHKKA, he began to do just that. "How'm I doin'?" Bulma was bug-eyed.  
"EEEE-YAAA!!!" screamed Bulma. The very house seemed to jump in surprise, and a bat nearby screeched at the disturbance. "Y-y-you r-r-really h-h-have a t-t-tail...!!!" said Bulma shakily, fists clenched on the bed.   
"I din' think you'd be surprised..." said Son Goku, drying his head off with a tail, now out of the bath tub. "--Oh right! You don't have one, huh?" he realized. "Guess it's just guys."  
Guys have...? No, no, they CAN'T...! But...it's not like I've seen a guy's NAKED BUTT before... she thought. "I knew they had SOMETHING in front, but..."  
"But wait a minute...my dead grampa was a guy...but he didn't..." said Son Goku.  
"You see?! You see?! Normal guys don't have tails!" exclaimed Bulma.  
"O'course, grampa was kinda weird..." Son Goku claimed.  
"--You're the one who's WEIRD!!!" Bulma yelled.  
"Oh well! Who cares?" asked Son Goku. He put on some pants and started putting on his clothes."....." said Bulma. "I take it back...'Weird' doesn't even come CLOSE...  
"Is he for REAL? He acts like I'M a witch or something..." Bulma continued, now naked and in the bathtub."...When he's totally like something that jumped out of a horror m..." Son Goku was standing right there, and Bulma fell into the water with a B-LOOSH! Son Goku was now clothed.   
"Whadda you lookin' at?!!!" yelled Bulma.  
"...So instead of a tail, you've got an extra butt?" asked Son Goku.  
"It's not a butt, you idiot!! They're boobs!! An' when you get a little older you're gonna think mine are INCREDIBLE!!" claimed Bulma. "Yeesh...  
"How old are you anyway, kid?" asked Bulma.  
"How old am I?" question Son Goku. "14."  
"EEE-YAA!! EEE-YAAA!!" screamed Bulma, chucking various bathroom supplies at Son Goku as he vacated the room in a hurry. "Voyeur!! Perv--!!" she yelled. "You're only two years younger than me!!!" One roll of toilet paper managed to conk Son Goku on the head with a TONG.  
"!?" exclaimed Son Goku. "!?"  
"Next time you pull that, I'm callin' the cops!!" shouted Bulma, drying her hair.  
"I'm starvin'," complained Son Goku, holding his stomach. Soon a full meal was laid out in front of him. "?" asked Son Goku, eyeing the scrumptious food. He continued:  
"This is food?" Son Goku asked. He tried some of the coffee and the bread. "This 'bread' stuff is all soft and nasty!" he continued:  
"And the soup's BITTER..." Son Goku complained.  
"--It's COFFEE, moron! Maybe if you'd ever learned how to EAT you wouldn't be such a shrimp!" Bulma exclaimed.  
"I'm gonna go get you some REAL food!" claimed Son Goku, slipping on his shoes.  
"Huh? What? You're goin' out?" asked Bulma.  
"I'll be right back!" assured Son Goku. Time passed and a wold howled off in the distance. AWOOOOO... "I'm ho-o-o-o-ome!!" exclaimed Son Goku from the door.  
"That was quick..." said Bulma. The door opened to find Son Goku holding a wolf on his extended Nyoi-bo, and a centipede in his hand.   
"I caught a wolf!" said Son Goku.  
"!!" yelled Bulma.  
"An' a centipede for flavor!" said Son Goku, excited about the coming meal. Bulma, however, was not.  
"Eeee-yaaa-aaaa!!!!" Bulma yelled. Later, Son Goku had a wolf roasting over a fire, and a centipede on a stick next to it. KRAKL KRAKL went the fire softly.   
"Are you sure you don't want any?" asked Son Goku to a closed door. "I could cook yours medium!"  
"Shut UP!! Don't even make me THINK about it!!!" yelled Bulma from inside. Soon Son Goku had eaten the wolf clean, leaving only the bones.  
"Whoo! Well, off to dream-land!" said Son Goku, inside the house.  
"At least brush your teeth!!!" yelled Bulma. Son Goku as soon bouncing up and down on the bed.  
"WHEE-HEEE! This 'futon' thing is going to be FUN!" said Son Goku, still bouncing. "And I haven't slept with somebody f'r way too long!"   
"'Slept...with'...? You have got to be joking! Here's your blanket...and here's the floor," said Bulma, holding a blanket. She laid it down on the floor next to the bed.   
"We're sleepin' apart?" asked Son Goku.  
"W'll duh!" exclaimed Bulma. "An' if you try anything, you're dead!"   
"But I always used Grampa as a pillow...it was so soft and comfy..." said Son Goku innocently, hand behind head.  
"You aren't using ME for a pillow, freak!!" yelled Bulma. Later that night, Bulma was brushing her teeth. "So it was just you and your grandfather, right?  
"What happaned to your parents?" asked Bulma.  
"I dunno," replied Son Goku truthfully. "I guess they abandoned me in the mountains when I was a baby.  
"Then Grampa found me and decided to keep me!" guessed Son Goku. "HEH HEH HEH HEH..."  
"How can you laugh about that...?" asked Bulma. "They prob'ly abandoned you because you had a tail..."  
"Were you abandoned because you have a butt on your chest?" asked Son Goku.  
"I told you, it's not a BUTT!!!" yelled Bulma. "And who says I was abandoned?!!!  
"I just happen to be on summer vacation from school-- and I'm taking advantage of it!" continued Bulma, spitting into a cup. "I've only got another 30 days to find the rest of the Dragon Balls! I don't have all year like you!" Soon, Son Goku was snoring peacefully (ZZNXX ZZNXX).  
"....." said Bulma. "Rrrg... if you're gonna ask questions, at least wait for the answers...!"   
Night passed, and what looked like a UFO passed over head. Soon, birds were welcoming day with a morning quiet TWI TWI TWI..."?" asked one bird.   
"Nnh...? Wha...?" asked Son Goku, waking up. "Nnnn-yaaaw...!" he yawned, standing up and streching.   
"Huh?" asked Son Goku. Bulma was still sleeping, legs spread apart. "Woah!  
"Well, her pillow's not as big as Grampa..." said Son Goku, eyeing Bulma's lap. He climbed up into bed with her. "But I can sure give it a try!" He laid his head down on her lap with a quiet KNK.  
"?" asked Son Goku, noticing something strange. He pat her "south of the border.""...?" He then lifted her legs off and pulled off her underwear. He then...looked.   
"!!" yelled Son Goku. A gigantic scream rang out, stirring and sending a rabbit bug-eyed. Bulma woke up, of course. She sat up, alarmed.  
"What?! What?!" asked Bulma, head turning this way and that. "What happened?!  
"Whatsa matter?!" asked Bulma.  
"Y-y-y-you've..." began Son Goku shakily. "L-l-lost your ba-ba-ba-ba--"  
"What?!!!" Bulma yelled. "I've lost my Dragon Balls?!" She leapt out of bed and bolted for her pack with a VROOOM.  
"What the..." Bulma said. She had opened the pack and taken out the Dragon Balls, and was holding Arushinchu and Oshinchu. "...They're right here, idiot!  
"--Geez, you freaked me out! Stop having nightmares, will you?!!" asked Bulma.  
  
...And so Bulma sighs in relief, her greatest fear averted...but perhaps she shouldn't relax quite YET...  
  
Next Tale of Dragon Ball: Sea Monkeys! 


	4. Tale Three: Sea Monkeys

Dragon Ball  
Part 1: The Monkey's Tale  
Chapter 3: Sea Monkeys  
  
Bulma and Son Goku prepare to begin the second day of their quest...while closer...ever closer...crawls an ominous shadow...!!  
  
A large object made its way through the forest around Son Goku and Bulma's Capsule House with a SHLMP SHLMP... Inside, Son Goku was growing impatient with Bulma. "Aren't you ready yet?!" Son Goku asked. "You're so slow! What're you, a turtle?"  
"And what is that supposed to mean, huh!?" exclaimed Bulma, in front of a mirror. "You're the one who wakes up too early!" she continurf. "For one thing, what's with the familiar tone!?" she exclaimed. "For another, I'm older and much more sophisticated than you! You should call me 'miss'!"   
"But WHAT do you 'miss'?" asked Son Goku, eyeing the pot of coffee, which was making a quiet plip plip sound.  
"--NOTHING, stupid!!" Bulma exclaimed. "...Oh, forget it. Want some?"  
"That bitter soup?! UGH, no thanks!!" said Son Goku. "What I need is EXERCISE!" exclaimed Son Goku. He ran outside, yelling. "Haiiii-yaaaa!!!" He ran over and grabbed a boulder. "Ho!!" he yelled. "Ya!!!" He proceeded to lift the boulder, and shifted to get a better grip.  
"Nnnngh...!!" grunted Son Goku, squeezing the boulder, and a GGG... sound began to...sound...as the boulder began to crack. Soon, the boulder completely exploded, scattering rock pieces all over. "HYAAA!!" exclaimed Son Goku, running over to yet another boulder. Well, at least he thought it was a boulder. Son Goku grabbed the large object that had been crawling towards their house earlier. The thing, which was actually a sea turtle, sprang up, surprising the young boy.   
"WHAT?" asked the sea turtle in shock and surprise. "WHAT?"  
"Huh?!" Son Goku questioned.  
"HUFF HUFF," said the turtle (panting). "Dear me...what a fright..."  
"Y-y-you really did turn into a turtle!!" said Son Goku shakily, thinking the turtle was Bulma. "It's all because you were so slow!!"   
"?" asked the turtle.  
"Now what?" asked Bulma, opening the door in response to the shouting Son Goku. "What are you babbling about?"   
"Huh?" asked Son Goku, very confused after seeing Bulma at the door.  
"Huh?" asked Bulma similarly. "What's with the turtle?"  
"It's not you?" questioned Son Goku.  
"As IF!!" Bulma exclaimed. "It looks like a sea turtle..." Bulma commented, changing moods quickly. "...But what's it doing so far inland...?"  
"Pardon me, but if I might trouble you for a bucket of salt water...and a spot of seaweed besides..." asked the turtle.   
"Not exactly shy, are you...?" asked Bulma. Soon, a bucket of sea water was in front of the turtle, and he was slurping away at it with a GLMP GLMP.  
"AHH... Thank you... Thank you so much!" said the turtle. "I should explain...you see..." continued the turtle. "...I'm a turtle."  
"And what am I...BLIND?!!" Bulma yelled.  
"I'm as sea turtle, to be precise...but I went gathering mushrooms, you know, and...well, dash it all! I took a wrong turn!" said the turtle. "I've been wandering about for the past year, hoping to find my way back to the sea..."  
"Wow!" exclaimed Son Goku.  
"But you're going in exactly the wrong direction!" stated Bulma. "And you've gone a long, LONG way!" she commented. "The sea's to the south...about 120 Kilometers!"   
"120...?! Oh dear, oh dear..." said the sea turtle sadly.  
"Hey, you want us to take you to that "sea" thing?!" asked Son Goku.  
"Would you really?! Oh jolly!!" exclaimed the sea turtle.  
"What are you, nuts?!!" asked Bulma. "We've got 30 days left!! We can't be wasting time on turtles!!"  
"You'd rather waste it brushin' y'r hair?" asked Son Goku.  
"Look, it's not our responsibility!!" exclaimed Bulma. "We got our own quest!!"  
"Then I'll go with-oucha," said Son Goku.  
"Fine, do whatever you want!!! But don't ever darken my Hoi-Poi door again!!!" yelled Bulma.  
"OOMPH!" protested Son Goku, lifting the sea turtle on his back.  
"I AM sorry, old boy..." apologized the turtle.  
"NYAAHH!!" Bulma shouted, majking a face at their backs. The soft patter of feet sounded as Son Goku ran off with the sea turtle on his back. "I MEAN IT! Never show your face again!" Son Goku thought he heard Bulma shout. "Who needs you?!!" Bulma said, more to herself than to Son Goku.  
"....." A sound of silence marked Bulma's realization. "Oh, just great," she commented to herself. "I never took his Dragon Ball away from him..." she said. "...Meaning, if he doesn't come back..." she told herself. She suddenly notice the seeming abundance of huge big dinosaurs and pterodactyls. "....." Soon, she was on her motorcycle, revving the engine. "--Hey, wait up, you guys!!!" Bulma exclaimed. "You can't do it without me!!!" Soon, she caught up with Son Goku and the sea turtle.  
"Huh...? What about never showing my face...?" said Son Goku, almost mockingly.  
"I'm just too noble for my own good, okay?" Bulma replied.  
"Oh-ho, you got scared all alone, huh?" asked Son Goku.  
"Shows what you know...all you are to me is a Dragon Ball, doofus!" Bulma said.  
Soon, the three allies had covered a large distance. The motorcycle made a BIIIIIN... sound and a dinosaur flew overhead. "Hup two three four..." said Son Goku, running lightly alongside the motorcycle. They were being viewed through a telescope held by a large, humanoid bear with a scar across his eye, armor and a large cutlass.  
"Heh heh heh...Waiters on wheels, eh...?" said the bear. As the allies came closer, the bear spread his arms with a "hya", and said. "HALT!!"  
"Huh?" said Son Goku.  
"And how DID you know that Sea Turtle..." began the bear. "... Is my favorite DISH! WA HA HA!"  
"Akk! Give it to 'im, pee-wee!" Bulma urged. "Give 'im the Turtle, give 'im the Turtle!!!"  
"Bleh!" exclaimed Son Goku, sticking his toungue out at the Bear.   
"Oh-ho!" said the bear at Son Goku's response. "A wise guy, eh? Just give me the Reptile, sonny..." and continued... "... And I might let you live!"  
"What's wrong with you?!! Give 'im the stupid TURTLE!!!" shouted Bulma. "The world's FULL o' turtles!!!"  
"NYAH,NYAH! Fooey on youey!" replied Son Goku mockingly.   
"So...you wanna be my appetizer, eh...?" asked the bear.  
"You better get off..." said Son Goku, dropping the Turtle off his back, hitting the ground with a FWOMP, who began scrabbling furiously to get away. The bear drew back his cutlass.  
"Well, I do aim to PLEASE..." said the bear deceptively. "Hyah!!!!" the bear yelled, striking with his cutlass. Son Goku jumped with a VSSSHHHH as the cutlass hit the ground with a GONG.  
"--Behind you!" called Son Goku, landing with a TOP on one foot.  
"Heh heh heh heh..." said the bear, turning his head. "You're a quick little monkey, I'll give you that..."  
"Now's our chance!!!" Bulma yelled, turning her bike around. "Hop on!! Let's go!!!"  
"HEH HEH HEH..." the bear was continuing, having now turned around. The turtle peered around the cliff he was hiding behind..."HYOH!!!" yelled the bear, striking again. Something made a loud FWAH sound and Son Goku disappeared. Next thing anyone knew, he was smiling, having jumped and landed easily on the flat of the blade, absolutely unharmed.   
"YOO-HOO!" said Son Goku.  
"ARH!!!" said the bear, frustrated.  
Son Goku jumped onto the snout of the bear and landed with a TMP. Son Goku tilted his left hand downwards in a claw, so his fingers made a sort of a tarantula. He closed into a fist and brought it to his hip, making it his draw hand. "Rock...Scissors..." Son Goku yelled. "..Paper!!!!" He yelled as he delivered an awesome punch to the bear right between the eyes. It produced a very loud "BWEK" sound. The bear fell backwards, spurting blood from its forehead.  
"Nn...Gaah..." the bear sputtered.  
"Later!" said Son Goku, jumping off of the bear's snout and making a "peace" sign.   
"Okay, we can go now!" exclaimed Son Goku, grinning ear to ear. The bear landed with a BOOMM.   
"I say...I do say..." said the awestruck turtle. A kind of ominous silent "gassp" fell over Bulma and the turtle.  
"He's...he's THAT strong? But, then..." Bulma said.  
"D'you really taste that good...?" asked Son Goku of the turtle.  
"NO!!" the turtle answered. "Th-that is...I mean...they say sea turtles are quite nasty, really...Absolutely foul...A-HAHAHA...!!"  
"Yeah,well, you sure don't LOOK yummy!" said Son Goku happily, putting the turtle back on his back.   
*Phew*, said the turtle.  
Later...palm trees made a SHHH...SHHH...sound as they swayed in the breeze. A very Dr. Slump-esque character was climbing a palm, asking the reader, "Is this Penguin Village...?*", and our heroes had made it to the sea. They were at the beach, gazing out at the huge body of water. "You've done it, lad!! It's the sea!!!" the turtle yelled. "No, no argue all you wish...that is the sea!"  
"Who's arguing?" Bulma discreetly said.  
"Whoa!! What a wide river!!!" exclaimed Son Goku.  
"Must be pretty roomy, huh?" asked Son Goku.  
"How can I ever thank you?!" asked the grateful turtle. "Really, I say, such generosity must not go unrewarded!!  
"Could you just wait there for just a little bit?" asked the turtle, beginning to swim out to sea. "I'll bring you back a lovely reward, really!"  
"Reward?" Son Goku wondered.  
"I can't wait to see a TURTLE'S idea of a reward..." Bulma said skeptically. She stepped into the water. "Yeesh. If I knew we were comin' here, I'd a brought my swimsuit!" Son Goku tasted the water.  
"GLEHH!! Who put SALT in the water?!!" complained Son Goku, who was used to fresh water. Bulma then noticed something. It was a dot on the horizon. The two were playing with the sand on the beach.  
"Hey...what's that..." Bulma said.  
"Huh?" asked Son Goku. He stood up and peered underneath his hand.   
"It's the turtle all right...but there's somebody ridin' on 'im..." observed Son Goku.  
"You can actually SEE that far?" asked Bulma. The dot started to form a shape. "So who in the heck..." Soon, who in the heck was a question answered. An old man was standing on the tutle. He was bald, with white eyebrows and a white beard. He carried a shell on his back and had a shirt with jumbled letters. He carried a half-concealed orange sphere on a necklace under his beard, and carried a wooden staff, not perfectly straught by any means. He wore sandals on his feet and shorts that came down to about mid-thigh.  
"Aloha~!" exclaimed the newcomer in a scratchy voice.  
"Sorry to keep you waiting!!" apologized the turtle.  
"Off we go!" said the old man, hopping off of the turtle.  
"Just what we need...an old man..." Bulma said sarcastically.  
  
Careful, Bulma...don't be so quick to dismiss this old man...  
  
Next: Hey! Goku! Get offa my cloud!  
  
*An in-joke reference to the setting of Dr. Slump, Toriyama's second most famous series.--ED. 


End file.
